Be Specific
Sometimes I read things by people and think that they’re too general.
Okay. Sounds good. But wait. Hold on. What does that sentence really mean?
Who am I reading? Who is too general? Or does that mean what is too general? (The people or the words?) And what does “too general” even mean?
Let me try again.
While reading essay submissions for Coffee + Crumbs, I notice when writers use non-specific words (like it, things, sometimes, somethings and that, they, them, she, he, and those) instead of using language to name, identify, or clarify.
See the difference? Hear the difference?
What it boils down to is this: Be specific.
“Don’t say ‘fruit.’ Tell what kind of fruit — ‘It is a pomegranate.’ Give things the dignity of their names.” - Natalie Goldberg
Name It
When you edit your work, whenever you see the words: it, things, sometimes, somethings and that, they, them, she, he, and those—ask: Can I name it? Can I exchange the general word with a specific one? (In the case of pronouns, you don’t always need to. See below.)
Sensory Language
The reader wants to experience your words. Sensory-wise, she wants to see what you’re seeing, to hear, taste, touch, and smell alongside you.
Example: I walked into the room and smelled something awful.
The reader can appreciate this, but “something awful” is vague. Read the following two sentences; each gives a different, and specific, smell the reader will experience while she continues to read the rest of the essay.
I walked into the kitchen and smelled what I can only describe as sour milk.
I walked into the kitchen and smelled the stench of rotting meat.
Details vs. Description—They're Not The Same Thing
Description, aptly, describes. Use description to characterize, to sort, and to identify. Description allows us to make a place, person, or thing recognizable. It can also extend into the realm of emotion and circumstance.
If you write about your house, describe it so I would know which one to drop a coffee at if I happen to be driving down your road. If you write a story about one of your two daughters' broken bone, write a description of her so if I’d meet you all together, I’d know which child to ask about her now-healed arm. If you write about your joy, your sadness, your frustration, describe it so I’d recognize the same experience in my own life.
Detail, on the other hand, brings attention to something that could easily be missed. Detail highlights a particularity not seen on the surface. It’s the house whose living room lights dim when the dishwasher runs. It’s the child that consistently answers, “Good” when you ask, “What’s new?” Detail is specific, personal, and unique.
Use both, but know the difference.
“If you want to be a successful writer, you must be able to describe it, and in a way that will cause your reader to ‘prickle’ with recognition.” - Stephan King
A Short Note About Pronouns
If you have two subjects in the previous sentence for which a single pronoun could be used for either, identify which subject you are referring to.
Example: My sister and her daughter, Lilly, came in from the heat outside. She was so thirsty.
Does “she” refer to my sister or to her daughter?
As a reader, we’re likely to find out if we read on, but as a writer, I never want my reader to be taken out of the story unnecessarily—even for a second—because her brain pauses to ask, “Which ‘she’ is she talking about?”
While I Have You…
Can I offer two more tips that go along with being specific?
Be direct. Is there anywhere that you’re talking “around” the idea instead of just saying it?
Be concise. Is there a place where one sentence could do the work of two?
Exercise: Progression of Specificity
The first two examples are done for you. Fill in the rest yourself.
| VERY GENERAL | GENERAL | SPECIFIC | VERY SPECIFIC | DETAIL SPECIFIC |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| sound | loud sound | horn | car horn | 6 seconds of laying on the horn of his Toyota Sienna at the stop light |
| toy | small toy | block | Lego | One (of the million) of my 8 yo son’s blue Legos laying in the living room |
| person | child | |||
| happy | joyful | |||
| place |
Writing Exercise
Pick any piece of your writing. Do a “Find and Replace” search for: it, things, sometimes, somethings and that, they, them, she, he, and those. Replacing pronouns isn’t always necessary. But are there any sentences where you should? And for the rest, if you aren’t specific or don’t name “it” or what the “things” are in the previous sentence, can you name it? Where can vague words be changed into specific ones?
An Example to End
Original: They ran outside.
More specific: They ran outside. They wanted to catch the ice cream truck.
Even more specific, identifying who “they” are: My daughter and her friend ran outside. They wanted to catch the ice cream truck.
And progressively more specific, adding in sensory language. This gives the reader an experience while also keeping her “in” the action of the moment:
My daughter and her friend ran outside. Their bouncing curls and high-pitched giggles wanted to catch the ice cream truck.
Now let’s add in being direct and concise:
My daughter and her friend’s bouncing curls and high-pitched giggles ran outside to catch the ice cream truck.
And while I have you—may I offer one last thing?
Eliminate “as” sentences as often as possible.
It’s very common to read the following sentence structure multiple times throughout one essay: As my daughter and her friend ran outside to catch the ice cream truck, their curls bounced and they laughed with high-pitched giggles.
“As” is often used to combine two phrases that, with a little more work, could stand much more powerfully on their own.
