Writing Through Grief
The day after finding out my hCG numbers weren’t rising appropriately—yet again—I sat on the couch sobbing—yet again—and opened the Notes app on my phone. The questions came just as quickly as the tears, a cleansing mix of necessary grief and hope for healing, someday.
I’ve endured a lot of loss over the years, and if you’re reading this, I’m so sorry you have, too. Whether it’s miscarriage, losing a child or a marriage, the death of a parent or grandparent, a closed door you didn’t see coming, or something else, you are not alone in your pain.
I’m learning the best way to get through grief is to let it come whenever it pleases. And that’s challenging work when you’re a mother and need to keep—you know—mothering.
For weeks—after mourning two chemical pregnancies and the loss of our three adopted embryos—I couldn’t write. I could barely breathe, at times. But I kept thinking about the questions that came so swiftly in the midst of shock.
One day—when I was ready—I lit a candle, opened my bedroom shade to let the warm winter sun pour in, and opened my laptop. I stared at the bright, stark screen and let grief seep out of my fingertips. With tear-stained cheeks, I wrote. And wrote some more. By the time I blew out the tiny flame, I saw the resemblance of relief and healing peeking their faces through the deep cracks. So, I kept coming back to the page.
I believe God has given us all sorts of tools to bear the pain of loss and unforeseen circumstances: community, counseling, our faith. But, as writers, he’s also given us the gift of processing, self-expression, observation, and insight with our words. Sitting down with these questions and seeing what has come of the answers has helped me feel inklings of hope, peace, and light in an otherwise dark season. I pray that it can—and will—do the same for you.
Questions to consider when writing through grief
Who am I outside of this?
Who am I becoming through this?
Why did God choose me to endure this?
What good is there during this time?
What does my faith look like now?
How has God been faithful?
How do I know that what I have today is enough?
How do I not feel lonely in this season?
What do I need to heal and feel whole?
How do I not let this break me?
Where can I find hope?
Where do we go from here?
WRITING I’VE DONE USING THESE PROMPTS
I Think I’ll… (What do I need to heal and feel whole?)
Why I’m Finally Sending Christmas Cards (Who am I outside of this?)
“Where Do You Go From Here?” (Where do we go from here?)
Whole (How do I not let this break me?)